1. Stay in Contact with the Bereaved

Talk with your bereaved friend or relative—even if you are uncomfortable doing so. Remember that they are feeling far more pain and discomfort than you. Be present the first few days, and later call or email regularly to say that you are thinking of them and would like to be useful.

2. Offer to Drive

The bereaved will have many immediate chores to do—at a bank, a funeral home, or an attorney’s office. Grief may slow them down and make it hard for them to take care of the myriad details after a death. They may need your help while doing these tasks, but if not then simply wait in the car.

3. Bring Comfort Food

After the initial week or two, most family members will have resumed their usual schedules and are no longer available to literally cater to the bereaved. If the person says that they don’t want anything, then bring over soup and ice cream. Those are good for a person in mourning because they contain enough calories to maintain nutrition yet require no biting and chewing. It is sometimes difficult to chew or swallow when deeply in mourning.

4. Help Out with Paperwork

Help your grieving friend or relative create an ongoing memorial for their loved one on the internet. Putting feelings into words and pictures can be a healing endeavor. Friends and family can post their prayers and memories as well. There are a number of internet memorial sites to join, some free, some charging an annual fee. Members of Beliefnet can post a free memorial.

5. Be a Good Listener

There are many forms that need to be filled out after a death, and the bereaved may not have the patience. You can ease the job by doing it with the person at your side responding to your questions. You could also help address envelopes of thanks for condolence notes.

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